#Compassionate confrontation
Whenever I think there is nothing more to learn about cultural difference, I am proven wrong. I’ve lived on three continents, married an Egyptian man, and navigating cultures is our daily work. But there I was, in the middle of bustling Cairo, experiencing something that profoundly shifted my understanding of culture and conflict.
We all know the stereotype: Northern European cultures pride themselves in directness. In contrast, many Asian, African, and Arabic cultures tend to avoid direct confrontation. Yet in a mediation I was guiding last month with the board of an Egyptian company in Cairo, I encountered a quite radical nuance. I was not witnessing a lack of honesty, nor conflict avoidance—it was a different kind of honesty.
In that room, frustration, appreciation, anger, feeling unheard, love, and tenderness, all coexisted. Emotions swung like a pendulum—from “You totally messed up!” to then hugging each other and holding hands. In that multitude, I saw a way of fighting that did more justice to the complexity of human relationships, than how I was used to seeing conflict. I remember thinking: no three Dutch white dudes would ever fight like this!
As I held space for this group of men, I reflected on how I “do anger the European way.” When there’s anger, we do conflict. We name it, bluntly. That’s what we call “being honest”. Yet these men showed me another kind of honesty—with an elegance in their way of fighting. What I had interpreted as “chaotic” and “indirect” I suddenly recognized as: an ability to hold and honour contradictions, –to let frustration and appreciation coexist side by side.
In that moment I realized yet another limit of my own cultural lens, one that also made me look differently at how I argue at home with my own partner. How cool that cultural difference can always be a mirror to yourself 😊.
How do you do conflict?
TEDTalk ‘Here’s how multi-cultural humor breaks down barriers’ by Sidharth Raj
In this witty and insightful talk, Sidharth Raj explores how multi-cultural humor can bridge divides, challenge stereotypes, and create unexpected moments of connection. Drawing from personal stories and global perspectives, he shows how laughter can be a powerful tool for empathy—and a way to belong in more than one world at once.
Book ‘The Ungrateful Refugee’ by Dina Nayeri
“The Ungrateful Refugee” is a powerful blend of memoir and reportage in which Dina Nayeri explores the refugee experience beyond headlines and stereotypes. Drawing on her own journey from Iran to the U.S., and the stories of others seeking asylum, she challenges expectations of gratitude and assimilation, and asks: What do we owe the countries that take us in—and what do they owe us in return?
Podcast ‘What’s In An Accent with Lupita Nyong’o’ from What Now? with Trevor Noah
What does your accent say about you — and who gets to decide? In this captivating conversation, Trevor Noah sits down with Oscar-winning actress Lupita Nyong’o to unpack the cultural weight and personal meaning behind accents. From navigating Hollywood to honoring heritage, they explore how language, identity, and perception intersect. It’s a deep, witty, and refreshingly honest discussion about belonging, bias, and the power of embracing every part of who you are — voice and all.
